I’m all lost.

I’m losing myself tonight. And maybe some few other nights too.

Tell you the truth, I’m not the same person as I was few months back. I was enjoying life more than now. Oh, I’m enjoying my life now too. But.. I was more alive back then.

I watched this movie, Percy Jackson. It was a good one. You know, in the movie, the characters (which are demigod. You know those people who half human half God?) have to do quests every once in a while. They trained in this camp special for demigod like them. It was COOL.

I was thinking after the movie, maybe it would be good for me if I have to do some quest like in the movie. Which is will never happen.. Haha. You know, ’cause I feel so lost right now. Like my life has no purposes.. no goals.. I tell you, I never felt like this before. This is the first time ever for me.

Yes, I had some moments (good and bad) along the months before. I think it occupied me quite much and I wasn’t paying attention to other things. I just let them pass by. That was a mistake. Sure, from previous posts you might assume that it has something to do with someone, but NO. This is completely a different thing. What happened to me might occupied me, but it’s over now. And maybe that’s when this shit happened. I was too focus on one thing. That’s kinda my bad habit. Hehe.. Ok, lesson learned.

Now what? I just realized that everything around me are exactly the same for the past months, maybe years. I’m not talking about my friends. Nah, friends can’t be replaced. I’m talking about the surrounding. Work.. City.. Situation.. Myself.. all the same. Nothing changed. This gets me bored, somehow.

Then it brings me to this situation. I was bored. I was done with something that occupied me. But then again, everything was still the same. Nothing new. Nothing exciting to do with. I’m stuck with the job that bores me quite much.

What the hell should I do with my life?

People told me some cliche stuff like “do it for your family”, “work for the future”, “have some fun”, “just enjoy every minute of it”. I get it, people. Really, I get it. I never forget that, trust me. But what I’m feeling right now is.. well.. you know, I feel lost! I need a purpose. I need a goal. Sadly, I can’t find one. Yet.

Nowadays, I’m just looking everywhere with blank stare on my eyes.

I need to find that fire.

I need to find the answer..

Erwin.

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